Journeys of Healing

I just want to share a paper that I wrote during my semester in Oregon at the Oregon Extension. Through the process of writing this paper (and many other experiences,) I have begun to find healing. My hope is that others who may be feeling shamed, especially as a woman, would find healing as well.

*Also when I copy pasted this, the paragraphs got smooshed together. I tried to separate them back as best as possible!
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I feel ambivalent in my views of God, unable to reconcile threats of eternal punishment in comparison with Jesus' promise of forgiveness and everlasting life. So, you could see why the verse John 1:18 may come as a sudden shock to myself. "No one has ever seen God. It is God the only son, who is close to the Father's heart, who has made him known." John reveals that, we know who God is through the person of Jesus Christ. So, one way to begin healing could be by looking at biblical texts where Jesus relates to women living in a culture which shames their bodies and sexuality. Thus, by gaining a better understanding of the nature of God, I can begin to heal my image of God.

Before looking at two biblical texts, we must gain some understanding of shame, a feeling that Gershen Kaufman predicts we will all experience. In his book, Shame: the Power of Caring, Kaufman defines shaming experiences as incidents when we feel exposed as defiant or bad (vii-2). If shaming becomes a consistently occurring or powerful experience in a person's life, it may be internalized, causing that person to believe they are inherently bad. Shame divides us from ourselves, from one another, and from God, but before we can understand how the division occurs, we must understand why we can be shamed.

Emotional ties, experiences of bonding and shared experience of trust create bonds which begin at birth and continue throughout our lives. These connections form an "interpersonal bridge" between individuals. Through the bridge, the two individuals' mutual understanding, growth, and change are facilitated (12-2). We construct this bridge by learning to depend on and expect our needs to be met. So, a child learns that when he or she is hungry, a parent will provide food for them; or if a child falls down and scrapes his or her knee, a parent will bandage the wound, and provide comfort to the child.

We begin to feel shameful when our most basic needs and expectations are exposed as wrong; our self has been betrayed and exposed into view (13-2). For example, an adolescent daughter may approach her father, asking for a hug. The father, uncomfortable with the daughter's newly emerging sexuality may begin shrinking away because he feels she is too old for a hug. If he can talk to his daughter openly, they could discuss his feelings so she may understand it is not her issue. But, if he continues to reject her embrace, she may begin to feel her need for a hug is bad, and consequently, because of her awareness of her changing body, may begin to recognize her body and sexuality as bad as well. If the father eventually recognizes his mistake, and approaches his daughter to hug her, she may react with rage because she feels exposed. The interpersonal bridge has been broken and the daughter feels shame, which needs to be actively approached, not avoided or denied. (124-2) In order for the father to restore the bridge between himself and the daughter, not only does he need to apologize, but affirm her as well. One way of affirming her may be saying, "You're growing into a fine young woman and I'm proud of you!" (25-2)

So, how does shame affect one's view of God? A person who has internalized shame may feel unworthy of God's love and forgiveness, or believe that they must achieve perfection in order to gain God's love and forgiveness. For example, when a child misbehaves, a parent might shame their child into desired behavior by threatening them with something as extreme as, "God is going to punish you if you are bad." Or, they may teach their child a simple song, "O be careful little eyes what you see… for the Father up above is looking down in love," which the child may internalize as threatening. If this shaming reoccurs often, it may also affect their image of God, causing the child to believe, "Because I am bad, God will punish me," or "Because I keep making mistakes, I am not sorry enough, and God will not keep forgiving me."

Let's begin with John 8:1-11 where we find Jesus sitting down and teaching in the temple. Scribes and Pharisees come barging in, bringing a woman who has been caught in adultery. They stand her before Jesus, placing her right in the center, saying to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now the law of Moses commanded us to stone such. What do you say about her?" In asking this, they are testing Jesus, so they might find some charge against him. Using the woman as bait, they objectify and other her because as a woman, an adulteress woman, she is considered inferior. If Jesus decides to let the woman go, he violates Mosaic Law, but if he orders her to be stoned, he will be in trouble with the Romans, who alone have the power to sentence someone to death (337-1).

"Caught in the very act of adultery," hints that something isn't quite right here. Where is the man caught having intercourse with her? Why is he not condemned as well, since the Law of Moses quoted by the scribes and Pharisees in Deut. 22:22 commands that both man and woman be stoned under these circumstances? (Even though in Jesus' day, stoning was not happening anymore.) Clearly, this whole scene is a set-up, and if the man was not in on it, he was allowed to weasel his way out of the situation.

Jesus bends down and uses his finger to write in the dust. Because the text does not say what exactly Jesus wrote, we can only speculate. It is possible to relate this scene to God using his finger in order to write the Ten Commandments for Moses to take to his people, or maybe Jesus writes the sins of the woman's accusers. The scribes and Pharisees grow impatient and continue to push for him to answer.

Jesus looks directly into each accusers' face saying, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." In one simple line, he forces them to be persons, and places them at the same level where they have placed the woman. Jesus bends down and continues to write in the dust. One by one, beginning with the eldest, they all slink away. Now they leave Jesus alone with the woman standing before him. Here, Jesus begins the healing of her shame.
Jesus looks up and unlike her accusers, directly addresses her, as if she is family. "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, Lord." Throughout this whole ordeal, she has been exposed. Head and eyes cast down, condemned by her accusers as well as by her own actions. Now she speaks for herself, "No one condemns me." What will her literal savior, say next? "Neither do I condemn you; go, and do not sin again."

In saying, "Neither do I condemn you," Jesus is in reality saying, "I understand that you are ashamed, but I want you to know that I am not ashamed of you." Here, he is actively approaching her shame, while also validating her person. Only after saying this, does he recognize her sin. "Go, and do not sin again." Jesus, invites her into a healing relationship, giving her the freedom to respond to Jesus' forgiveness by journeying into the healing process of making her sexuality whole. In saying this, I believe Jesus recognizes that her journey may very well be a slow one, so I imagine that if he would meet her again he would say, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and do not sin again."

Now, let's take a look at Mark 5: 21-34. Jesus stands on the Galilean shore among a great crowd. Along comes, Jairus, a leader of the synagogue. Upon seeing Jesus, he falls at Jesus' feet, begging, "My little daughter is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on her so that she may be made well, and live." So Jesus goes with him.

On the way, the crowd follows him and a woman who has suffered from twelve years of hemorrhaging moves among the crowd. After seeing many physicians, and spending her money in doing so, she continues to become worse.

Judean purity laws, attributing illness to social causes, say this woman is sinful and unclean because of her hemorrhaging (210-5). Normally, a woman is unclean only once each month during her period. But during that time, if a person comes in contact with a menstruating woman, they become unclean also. That is because a person's dignity and power are transferred through their clothing, as well as their state of "cleanness" (192-2). For example, if a menstruating woman sits on a chair, a man cannot sit upon the chair after her because her uncleanness pollutes it. (Though menstruation is still a taboo subject in my culture, I believe menstruation to be sacred, life flowing blood, so I can only imagine the shame these women associate with their bodies.) Because her blood has continued to flow for twelve years, she is in a perpetual state of uncleanness and most likely ostracized from the community for fear of her uncleanness (209-5). Having heard about Jesus (probably through gossip), she approaches him from behind in the crowd, reaches out and touches his cloak, thinking, "If I but touch his clothes, I will be made well." Instantly her hemorrhaging stops; and she feels in her body the healing of her disease.

At the same instant Jesus knows he has been purposefully touched, and feels power going out from his body. Jesus turns around in the crowd and says, "Who touched my clothes?" And his disciples, unable to understand how he knows this, say to him, "You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say 'Who touched me?"

Ignoring them, he looks all around to find the person who touched him. But the woman, knowing what has happened to her, comes forward "in fear and trembling," kneels and tells him truthfully her story. She must wonder what Jesus' reaction will be since she has touched him and her touch has made him unclean. Not only has she made Jesus unclean, she is now breaking another law, potentially bringing upon her self and Jesus more shame (210-5). Jesus does not recognize her as deviant, nor does he shame her for her touch. Instead he says to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your disease."

Here, just as with the woman caught in adultery, Jesus address the woman as if she is family, calling her, "Daughter." (210-5) After he affirms her as a person, he says, "your faith has made you well," recognizing the active role her faith has played in the healing of her body. "Go in peace and be healed of your disease." Here, in a second healing of her shame Jesus honors her with a blessing of peace and a welcoming homecoming to her own body and the community. Dennis Linn, co-author of Good Goats: Healing our Image of God, believes a key to personal and social healing, is healing our image of God. So, if the person of Jesus Christ, reveals who God is, Jesus is revealing God's compassion, mercy, and love through the healing and forgiveness of these two women.

Another biblical text might help us here. Rah mim, a Hebrew word meaning "mercy," is used almost exclusively in the Old Testament to describe the intense mercy of God. The word comes from the root for "womb." Normally, we view God only as Father, a masculine figure, but through rah mim we come to understand that God is as much of a mother as he or she is a father (31-6). If God loves us at least as much as a loving parent, or the person who loves us the most, then how great must God's love for us truly be (11-3)?

In these two stories, I met two women. Both suffering under a patriarchal and shaming society which makes clear: their bodies and their sexuality are inherently bad and therefore their person, shameful. Just when these women are beginning to believe there is no hope left for them, Jesus comes along and heals them, both personally and socially. So, if through the person of Jesus Christ, I came to know God, and I know that Jesus showed compassion, mercy, and love through healing and forgiveness, thus, God's desire is to heal and forgive us as well. Now I have the freedom to continue my own journey of healing and truly believe and say, "This is who I am, the child of a loving, gracious God."­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________________________________1. Brown, Raymond E. The Gospel According to John. Doubleday & Company: New York, 1966.2. Kaufman, Gershen. Shame: the Power of Caring3. Lane, William L. Commentary on the Gospel of Mark. William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company: Grand Rapids, 19744. Linn, Dennis, Sheila & Dan Linn. Good Goats: Healing our Image of God. Paulist Press: Mahwah, 1993.5. Malina, Bruce J. & Richard L. Rohrbaugh. Social-Science Commentary on the Gospel of John. Fortress Press: Minneapolis, 1998.6. Malina, Bruce J. & Richard L. Rohrbaugh. Social-Science Commentary on the Synoptic Gospels. Fortress Press: Minneapolis, 1992.7. Trible, Phyllis. God and the Rhetoric of Sexuality. Fortress Press: Philadelphia, 1983.8. Winter, Miriam T. WomanWord. Crossroad Publishing Company: New York, 1995.